Hey,
Look, I know you're tired from working 7-day weeks, and having a bad time with your co-workers, and all your last boyfriends cheated on you, and I live 2,000 miles away and we only see each other once a month. But just because I don't send you a text message in 24 hours isn't a reason to get mad.

I mean, but whatever. You got mad. Then you apologized. But still. I wish you would chill out. Frankly, I think you're sexually frustrated. But you wanted monogamy, so that's what we're doing. And I don't know if a dozen text messages a day is really going to assuage the problem. I don't know what I can do for you, but sometimes I think I'm not up to whatever it is, if you don't figure it out yourself and tell me. You know, or you will soon, I have the emotional intelligence of a 12-year-old.

But please don't consign me to calling you constantly to reassure you.

Sometimes I have days when I don't talk to anyone at all, and I don't mean that to include you, but occassionally it might, not because I don't want to, but if I run out of phone minutes and don't feel like leaving the house for 24 hours, it happens. I woke up at 7h30 and read in bed till 10, then sat through a conference and came home and went back to bed and finished my book, and didn't (and it's bad, and I should've) talk to a single person all day. It doesn't mean I'm not thinking about you (although, it's true, some days I just might have a day when I don't think about you).

I mean, this whole scenario, I know, right now it's you doing almost all the callling and a lot of the messaging. I guess from the outside it looks one-sided, but I miss you a lot when you're not around, and the best way I have to deal with it is not to think about it too much. I don't want to constantly touch that part of myself that gets all emotional. I'm tired of Bovarism. I want something pert, sincere. I know I want you, and I want you enough to change my life - it wouldn't even be an effort with you. And maybe you've given me more reason to trust in you than I've given you, and maybe I'm taking that for granted, and it's a wonderful feeling I have, because I do trust in you, maybe too much, completely.

I don't know what you want, really. You want, like, a whole scenario where we're supposed to be wooing each other with clever messages, but at the same time, we're not "dating" because you couldn't handle the uncertainty. So now we're supposed to be in a stable relationship, and at the same time you freak out if I'm not writing you every day. And I already told you, very early on, I have a truly rotten phone manner, and I'm not the kind of person who says, "I love you" every time I ask you to pass the salt.

But I made up my mind you're the one for me, and I do write you often, and I tell you the truest things I know, and everything I feel.

No: that's not true. You have the cutest mouth. Your teeth aren't straight, and they're so perfect, and the way you close your mouth to hide them after smiling them turns me on more than anything else you do. Your fingers are the most beautiful objects in my life. Your eyes and your eyebrows when you want to cajole me into making love are the image I want to run before my eyes when I'm dying. (And I always want to make love, you mistake yourself that I need any cajoling, but from now on I will always feign disinterest if it will bring that expression to your face.)

You set up this relationship the way you wanted it, and I acquiesced. So, one last thing you should know, because I know it myself, and I don't like this about myself. But if you're griping to me about not calling enough as some kind of lame preamble to cheating on me, and all your insistences on monogamy turned out to be posturing, I will (I'm sorry, but I know myself, and I would, one way or another)... and the way you would say this yourself if you had the guts to say it would be more diplomatic, as a joke, with a smile, so I will say it that way if it pleases you. But I would put you in a wheelchair. I would have no mercy.

;) (if you like.)